Disclaimer & Trigger Warnings

This blog is not, in any way, intended to be fat-shaming to my readers. I firmly believe the only important thing about a person's shape is that they are happy in it but, like many, I struggle to apply the same beliefs to my own body and do not plan to censor my feelings about my own body when they come up.

At the time of starting this blog, I am seriously struggling with depression and anxiety. I'll try to keep things light but this blog may contain references to self-harm, suicidal thoughts,and mental illness. I will always sign post these at the start of the relevant post.

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

In which Rubiconia starts running (again)...

"What?" said Piglet, with a jump. And then, to show that he hadn't been frightened, he jumped up and down once or twice more in an exercising sort of way.

Today's weight: 12st 10.5lbs or 81kgs

I have never been a fan of exercise. I mean, yes, obviously we're all generally in favour of it in principle, aren't we? More or less? Sort of? 

When I was a child I used to scramble about a bit the way kids do (or at least did 20 years ago). I played netball or tennis or roller hockey and went to dance class. But I reached about 16 and I was too old for the stage school where I danced, the roller hockey club had closed down and I was very inferior at tennis and netball compared to everyone else at my school. And overwhelmingly, I couldn't be bothered. Music and writing were my loves (still are) -not horrible, sweaty, moving-around type activities that made my face beetroot red. I was already very overweight (by modern medicine's standards), had been all my life. Puberty made it much harder to pop down to the swimming pool (because of the flab and the boobs and the hairy bits) or ride my bike (my bum drooped over the saddle and I was convinced my weight made the tires flat at twice the rate it happened to everyone else).

Two things happened to me in the last three months that have brought on my creeping transformation into someone who exercises. The first was re-joining Weight Watchers, more on that in other posts, which motivated me to start going for walks in my lunch breaks at work. The second was the release of Pokémon Go in the UK, which suddenly made going outside and wandering around a fun thing to do, even by myself.

I've been setting out to walk at least 10k steps a day, as recorded by my Jawbone UP Move, and it's pretty tough. Average needed for a reasonable daily fitness level is apparently 7.5k but I've always had an over-achieving gremlin in the back of my head - who'd be great company if it offered motivation as well as negative bollocks about my inadequacy. I can manage 10k easily if I a. resist getting the tram to the station in the morning AND b. force myself out of the office for my walk AND c. go out to the park with the penguin (nickname for the other half) in the evening. It's that extra walk in the evening that's the real kicker. I love going out with the penguin, but I often don't get home until after 8 o'clock and once we've cobbled together some dinner and watched an episode of Bake-Off or the X-Files or something it can be incredibly difficult to get moving again.

My family have always believed, almost religiously, that the best way to learn anything is from a book. I know, I know. It works for us, okay? So I got a book about running, thinking I could fit in more steps in less time that way. I chose The Beginner's Luck Guide to Running by George Edmonson and started reading. The BL method focuses on building up the time you can run continuously rather than aiming for any particular distance or speed - not quite what I'd had in mind but does sound like something I could stick to. The program sets out 3 run-plans per level for 10 levels, all named after big cats (which one are you embodying/running to escape this week?). I won't got into any deeper explanation - if you want that, get the book - but basically I ran my first session this morning before I started my work from home day. I had not decided to do this until this morning. 

It was a drag getting myself out of the flat at 7:30 on a day when my body had been expecting a lie-in (I'm normally due out of the door by 7:20 to catch my train) but once I was out it felt great to be in the (relatively) fresh (London) air. This week I will be escaping a bobcat. (I imagine it's keen to get me before I lose too much weight and become less appetising. I'll only clog your arteries, bobcat. Go eat someone healthier!) I went to the park. I ran circuits! I envied the girl running in the opposite direction. But in general, it felt great to be out there doing the thing. And it wasn't as painful as I expected. I think all the walking I've been doing put me a little above the absolute beginner level at which I started the program but I'm glad I started there. I would not have been confident of starting anywhere higher. The book says not to run two days in a row at first because your muscles need time to heal and adapt so my next run will be Thursday. Uh, hopefully. Maybe. No, no, it will. 

TTFN. Ta ta for now.

Update 28/09/16: Yep, muscles definitely need to heal. In. So. Much. Pain.



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